A Thin Line

I've spent most of this crazy year in semi-isolation, head down, working on my novel. I literally have not written even one, teeny-weeny short story. Sure, maybe I've dabbled, but my focus has been pretty singular. So, it was nice to see my short story, A Thin Line, published and out there in the world for people to read. 

In this story, I wanted to explore the push-pull heart-wrench of a lost familial relationship. Like they say, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And when we've loved someone or something, it seems impossible to be indifferent. No matter how wrought the relationship, no matter how many years pass, there's something that still binds us together.

Below is a excerpt from A Thin Line, but if you want to read the whole thing, hurry over to CAROUSEL Literary Magazine, Issue 44, it should be up a while longer. By the way, CAROUSEL is "hybrid literature for mutant readers."  What a great tag line!

True Confession: I don't usually post works in their entirety because then I may not be eligible to have them published by a magazine or publisher. So, this is your chance to read the whole story.

A Thin Line

It’s her. Even from this distance — through the reflecting glass of the café’s windows, across the busy street, through the throng of pedestrians and people waiting for their morning buses — I recognize her.

I stare hard, wanting confirmation even though I don't need any. I'd know her anywhere.

Truth is, I haven't thought about her in ages. I try not to think about her in general. Live in the moment like a Buddhist monk. Hi-yaa! In this moment, my toes are soaking. Freezing too because I spent forever slopping through the slushy rain to be here for the morning shift, needing some coin, so I can buy what Laz and I like to call, “a fisherman's breakfast”. Whatever we can catch.

Jesus. It is her.

Her hair’s a little grayer, probably thanks to me. Ha!

I shake my cup and work the morning rush, real gracious and trying to hit that perfect note between dignified and pitiful. Working the crowd, trying not to look her way. The whoosh of the train overhead wipes out the sound. It’s hard to ask for money when no one can hear you, so I stop for a beat, glancing over.

She's still there.

My mind is so clear it's painful. I notice everything. My freezing toes, going numb in my boots. My tingling head, itchy under my hat. My humming body, twitchy, coming down from last night. Usually, I have a little something in the morning to take the edge off. If I had been able to start the day right, I bet I wouldn't have even noticed her. My eyes tripped on her before my mind registered what was happening. There was some magical, crazy-ass pattern of movements and poses, strung up like laundry flapping on a line, together in familial sequence.

Even now, as I watch her, everything she does feels ridiculously familiar. Her brow scrunched in concentration, a pencil (chewed, I bet) tucked behind her ear; dainty hands lifting a cup (not paper, no drink and walk); the simultaneous shrug of rounded shoulders and the satisfied frown after she sips. Muscle memory? No, that's not right. Organ memory? Are eyes an organ?

Even through all the static I picked her out of the crowd. Even though I wasn't looking. It's like I heard her beating heart. Cue the jaws music. Bu-bump. Bu-bump. Bu-bump.

Want more? Here's the link: http://carouselmagazine.ca/issue44/ 

Abandoned: Excerpt from Novel In Progress by Jennifer McAuley

Abandoned Places (excerpt from a work-in-progress) by Jennifer McAuley

We all think of the west coast as the land of perpetual grey. Swollen clouds and weeping skies, puddles you can fall into and sink so deep you end up in an alternate dimension. I think when you grow up there, when you’re a child, you take it all with a grain of salt. I don’t remember my formative years as particularly wet, in fact I think, maybe because the drip, drip, dripping becomes a sort of soothing metronome drumming out the beats of time, it becomes as normal and reassuring as a heart beat. It’s the blood softly circulating in your veins, you take the rain for granted.

In 93, David Duchovny was probably hanging out at the Orange, watching strippers, between shooting scenes for the Xfiles and Robert Pickton was dropping body parts in the wetlands across the highway from the Ruskin gas station. I’m sure it rained a lot, like it always does, but I remember that year as warm and sunny. That was the year I fell in love with Aaron. If there was rain it was drowned out by the pounding in my chest as we practiced being together for the rest of our lives, though we didn’t have a clue and didn’t bother worrying about forever because we were so young.

Aaron wasn’t the kind of guy I usually noticed. He was quiet, at least until you took the time to get to know him. He dressed and moved and spoke in a way that made him invisible, nondescript. There are people like that in high school, when you think back. They don’t stand out, they blend in. There is a magic and an art to this trick, to this blending. Not everyone can do it. The bullies and opposite sex miss them completely, it’s as though they lack some vital pheromone that alerts predators.  When you finally do notice them, when they reach out, a hand slipping between the folds on their invisibility cloak to touch you, it’s doubly shocking. Not only because of the shiver of electric energy ripping down your body, but because all of sudden you become aware of your own festering myopia. 

It was like that with Aaron. When I finally looked at him, really looked at him, it was a revelation. He was blinding and beautiful. He was the sun. And when you grow up on the West Coast you get a punch drunk on sun, let’s be honest. On sunny days you skip school to wipe the water from the neglected park benches and bask lizard-like in the sun. Out of the 354 days each year you see it, what, maybe 90? Most of the time we were curled up like embryos listening to precipitative heartbeat of the mother ship but on sunny days we were born, again and again. Maybe that’s why I remember my childhood as mostly sunny.